The 2nd Ugly Truth of Internet Marketing

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On this episode of Driving with John Chow, I reveal the second ugly truth of Internet marketing. Part of the four ugly truths of Internet marketing, these are true statements, but people don’t want to hear it or believe it. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.

Click Here To Download John Chow’s New eBook, The Ultimate Online Profit Model!


By |October 31st, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

Community Discussion: How Much Video Do You Do?

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girl-filming-live-concert-on-smartphone

We are hearing it from all sides – video is the new black. It’s where most of your audience are spending their time, and it’s one of the most successful (if not currently the most successful) content online.

Technology evangelist Brian Fanzo tells us that video is the future. If you’re not producing video on your blog and social channels, you are missing out.

However, through conversations with other bloggers (aka people who started a blog to write, not necessarily to be an online influencer jumping on each new trend to stay current), I’ve noticed that people aren’t experimenting with video if that’s not their passion and that’s not what they started blogging to do.

So it seems bloggers are divided. Yes video gets eyeballs but if you don’t love it and it’s not what your current audience wants, do you bother with it at all?

I’m interested in what the audience here at ProBlogger does, and is considering doing in the future. Will you be leveraging video for traffic? Do you already? Are you a vlogger? Do you shy away from the camera and prefer your words to do the talking? I’d love to know where you’re at in the comments.

The post Community Discussion: How Much Video Do You Do? appeared first on ProBlogger.

      


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

5 Lessons Social Entrepreneurship Teaches Us About Motivation

Posted from http://addicted2success.com/entrepreneur-profile/5-lessons-social-entrepreneurship-teaches-us-about-motivation/

What comes to mind when you hear “accountability” or “motivation?” For many, these words conjure the image of a coach or an accountability partner “cracking the whip” so they’d finish certain tasks – even when they’re dragging their behinds and aren’t inspired by the project at all.

No wonder people are sitting on the couch and complaining that they lack motivation. The problem isn’t that there’s something inherently wrong with them. They may just be going about it the wrong way.

What if there’s a better way to get motivated? What if we can take control and create motivation through our actions? What if we can get ourselves motivated by setting up the right conditions?

If you go beyond “accountability” and do meaningful work that inspires you everyday, wouldn’t you feel more driven? When you hear stories about successful entrepreneurs, you often get a sense of “inevitability” – they’re doing what they do not because of external circumstances but because of intrinsic drives.

They’re doing the work not because someone is cracking the whip. They’re driven to take meaningful actions everyday because something deeper is driving their actions and decisions. How can you set up the conditions so taking action becomes inevitable? How do you create meaningful work so you feel inspired and driven everyday?

Social entrepreneurship offers us many insights into how business, motivation and meaningful work come together to create successful enterprises. Successful social entrepreneurs are motivated by the impact and meaning they create through their businesses.

Here are 5 lessons on motivation we can learn from social entrepreneurs who build profitable ventures driven by their desires to make a difference in the world:

1. Set Intentional Goals

You’ve heard many times that you need to set clear goals. Unfortunately, many people focus too much on arbitrary metrics to measure success without fully considering whether those numbers are in alignment with what truly drives them.

To get motivated, you need to set goals with intention. Then track metrics that reflect the impact you want to achieve. You may have to challenge conventional wisdoms to set your own bar. You may have to devise innovative ways to measure success.

If you don’t find meaning behind the numbers, the sense of achievement becomes temporary. You can easily end up on the hamster wheel. The grind can wear you down and leave you feeling fatigue and unmotivated. On the other hand, achieving metrics that speak to a meaningful goal gives you the long-term positive feedback that’ll keep you motivated day-in-day-out.

2. Anchor In a Community

You can fuel your motivation by giving meaning to your venture within a larger context. Rachel Brathen’s 109 World is built on a global community of yoga enthusiasts, while Muhammad Yunus’s Grameen Bank transformed the economy of many third world communities through micro financing.

Instead of being product- or service-focused, turn your attention to the community you aim to serve and find a match between the needs of the market and your vision, skills, expertise or product idea.

You’ll gain inspiration to fuel your actions by listening to and interacting with your community. Such dialogues give you continual and meaningful input that helps you evolve in a meaningful direction.

When your business creates products and services relevant to your community, you get the positive feedback that’ll further motivate you to grow.

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” ― Mother Teresa

3. Give Meaning To Commercial Success

Meaningful venture and commercial success aren’t mutually exclusive. Blake Mycoskie’s TOMS Shoes and Gavin Armstrong’s Lucky Iron Fish are both profitable businesses born out of and still closely tied to a social cause.

These social enterprises are doing more good by using profits from a commercially successful venture to fuel a cause that motivates them. Putting meaning behind profit gives social entrepreneurs the positive feedback that encourages them to do more good because it’s an evidence of their impact.

More often than not, many social entrepreneurs gain clarity on what truly motivates them when they’re not constrained by funding. Such motivation can be more powerful than any financial factor.

4. Get Inspired By Real Live Experience

Many social entrepreneurs find the calling that motivates them to succeed after eye-opening travel experiences that cracked open their worlds and broadened their perspectives.

Scott Harrison of charity: water built his non-profit after a life-changing trip to West Africa. You don’t have to go to some remote, poverty-stricken countries to find your calling. You can discover more opportunities in your backyard than you’d ever imagine if you tune in, stay open, get involved and be relevant.

Look for motivation and find out what makes you tick by interacting with people and communities you care about. Understand their needs and map your skills and expertise to solving a problem that’ll make a difference in their lives.

Often times there’s no substitute for getting boots on the ground and find out how you can make an impact through participation and trial-and-error.

5. Tap Into Your Strength 

Understanding and applying your strength makes you effective. Instead of trying to be perfect in everything, do work that taps into your strength and you’ll find more passion in what you do.

When you focus your strength on high value activities toward a meaningful goal, you’ve a much better chance of creating successful results that gives you the positive feedback to further motivate you.

Success fuels confidence, and this confidence will keep you motivated to do what matters.

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places” – Ernest Hemingway

How are you going to find your motivation by setting the stage for meaningful actions? Leave a comment below!


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

5 Weird Laws of Attraction That Will Make You a Millionaire

Posted from http://addicted2success.com/success-advice/5-weird-laws-of-attraction-that-will-make-you-a-millionaire/

The law of attraction has a bad rep, and it’s not surprising. There are so many wishy-washy laws that seem more likely to be talked about at a hippy music festival than by entrepreneurs trying to be millionaires.

But what if I told you that there were laws of attraction that actually work? Laws of attraction that actually will make you a millionaire if you follow them closely? Well, that’s exactly what this article is about.

Below are the top 5 Laws of attraction that will make you a millionaire:

1. Over respond to every event

Millionaires are proactive. They over respond to everything in their life. For example, They have had a problem in their life that they can’t find a solution for, so they start a business. They realise that one advertising channel is more successful than another, so they increase ad spend. Most people are reactive. They wait until things are in crisis to make changes, rather than anticipating what could go wrong. Being proactive will automatically attract success in your life.

 

2. Become attractive to yourself

There is nothing that creates a bigger barrier to success than low self-esteem. This is why it is so important to have a good relationship with yourself. Don’t tolerate anything in your life that lowers your self-esteem. Build a life you don’t need to escape from, do things you love and respect your body. When your self-esteem is unshakable you will feel like you deserve success, and therefore will take all the actions required to get there.

“Greater self-esteem produces greater success, and greater success produces more high self-esteem, so it keeps on spiralling up.” – Jack Canfield

3. Don’t work on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths

Most people are a jack of all trades. They think it’s their secret sauce to becoming a millionaire. But the truth is, it actually reduces their chances of success. You see, the millionaires in this world have the self-awareness to audit themselves and say “this is the area I have the best chance of success in” and double down in that area.

Most people either get distracted by trying to learn too many things at once , or they don’t have the self-awareness to understand that they aren’t playing to their strengths. Look back for times where you have been in “flow” state, things have come easily and unbiased, people have given you compliments for your work. That’s where your strengths are.

 

4. Know your industry inside and out

It doesn’t matter what business you’re in, you have no excuse not to know it inside out. Successful companies solve big, specific problems. To get ahead in this competitive world you need to have an unfair advantage over your competitors. You need to be able to identify where your industry is going and identify any obstacle that prevents you from being the market leader. It all starts with sweat equity. This law of attraction will create more opportunities for you than any other, but only if you are willing to put in the work.

“Sweat equity is the most valuable equity there is. Know your business and industry better than anyone else in the world. Love what you do or don’t do it.” – Mark Cuban

5. Get rid of your limiting beliefs around money

Most of us have been brainwashed from an early age. We’re brainwashed to believe that rich people are greedy or immoral. And the worst thing is that most of us don’t even realise it! Even in cartoons like The Simpsons, Mr. Burns is the richest, yet most unlikable character in the show. You may think “That didn’t affect me, I didn’t even notice!”. But guess what, your subconscious did.

We’re fed these limiting beliefs from TV shows, family members and friends. It’s your duty to rewire your brain and stop financial self-sabotage for good. It all starts with the old Buddhist quote “bless that which you want”. The next time you see someone driving a yellow Lamborghini send them positive vibes rather than succumbing to jealousy. This will help you attract wealth into your life.

People read so many articles and listen to so many podcasts that they rarely take action. I want this to be different. Imagine how different your life would look if you followed these steps? You would make more money and have fun doing it.

Which one of these tips are you going to start implementing today? Leave your thoughts below!


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

Why You Must Reinvent Your Identity to Reinvent Your Life

Posted from http://addicted2success.com/life/why-you-must-reinvent-your-identity-to-reinvent-your-life/

“Just be yourself” is one of the worst pieces of advice you can ever give to someone who desires to change their life.

It’s exactly their current self that is limiting their potential. It’s exactly their current self that isn’t producing the kind of desirable outcomes they want. It’s exactly their current self that is not competent enough to achieve their goals.

Einstein said it right, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If you continue going through life with this current identity, you’re going to produce the exact same mediocre results you don’t want.

Success by definition is change. You cannot reach the next level unless you level up the person you are right now.

I still remember one of the most insightful lessons Tony Robbins has taught me: Identity is the most powerful force in influencing human psychology. Identity is what controls influence. It’s our human need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.

So when you intend to do certain things but you fail to execute, it’s because your brain is saying things like, “Just forget about it, doing this kind of awesome thing is totally not you bro. It is NOT WHO YOU ARE! Give up buddy.” How self-sabotaging your brain sometimes can be.

“We know what we are, but not what we may be.” – William Shakespeare

So how can we stop ourselves from fitting into our social environment or the status quo? How can we change our beliefs as to what’s possible for us? How can we reinvent our identity so that it is there to support our goals, missions and visions in life?

Here’s the 2-Step process you need to reinvent your identity:

Step 1: Be aware of what identity you’re holding right now

Sometimes you may think doing certain things is totally you. Be careful with such thought. As Deepak Chopra suggested, you are NOT your thoughts, you are NOT your mind, you are NOT your body.

Very frequently, random negative thoughts are just going to pop up out of nowhere to attack your true potential. Your job is to be conscious enough to catch that moment and stop identifying that thing as you.

These spontaneous thoughts are often from our subconscious mind, which has been influenced, shaped and formed over many years based on our past experiences, outdated belief systems, and disempowering ideas implanted in us when we were young and didn’t even know what’s true or false.

Therefore, these so-called “original thoughts” you now think actually stem from misleading beliefs from people you didn’t even remember. I know it’s unfair and scary, but now that you are a responsible self-loving mature adult, it’s your job to slice those lies in half and dissociate your identity from them.

Step 2: Design a new identity that will be empowering to you that will get you what you want

You want to be as precise as possible to lay out the kind of beliefs, mindsets, behaviors and habits this new supportive identity must possess to take you where you want to go. Ask yourself, “What kind of person do I have to become in order to…?” Focus on the being part, not just the doing or having part.

Write these details down so that your reticular activation system knows where to scan for relevant evidence and reference experience to support your new belief system.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi

Changing your identity is scary to you. But it’s even scarier to people around you. So you probably will encounter lots of people who try to shut you down from any kinds of changes. They may do it out of love because they don’t want you to get hurt. They may do it out of fear because they are scared that you’ll not love them anymore once you’ve become a different person.

Understand that. Love them anyways. But be assertive about your mission to become a better, stronger, more capable person you’ve always desired. It’s a tough long battle to engage with. It’ll take months if not years to re-engineer the old you and become the You 2.0. But you must persist until you win.

Let go of the need to fit in, and accept the challenge of growing to become the best version of yourself you possibly can. I can’t wait seeing a brand new you!

What’s the current identity that you hold? Is it still serving you in the most empowering way? Leave your thoughts below!


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

How to Get Into Reading: The Definitive Guide

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 Reading should be simple. The act of reading is easy enough…pick up a book, look at the pages, then read the words. But if reading is easy, why doesn’t everyone do it? As it turns out, most people don’t know how to develop the habit of reading books. How to Get Into Reading: The Definitive Guide […]

The post How to Get Into Reading: The Definitive Guide appeared first on MotivationGrid.


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

Dot Com Lunch – Ludicrous Pho Edition

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I’m big a believer in networking with likeminded people. It’s the reason Oscar and I started the Dot Com Lifestyle meetup group. The main meetup for the group is the Dot Com Lunch.

We get together every Saturday at the patio of Pho Ba Co to enjoy the sun, food, and the company of people looking to live the Dot Com Lifestyle. The meetup is totally free (you pay for your own lunch) and anyone is welcome to join us. You can even give yourself a plug in our video! We look forward to seeing you at the next meetup.

Click Here To Download John Chow’s New eBook, The Ultimate Online Profit Model!


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

5 Ways To Conquer Information Overload

Posted from http://addicted2success.com/success-advice/5-ways-to-conquer-information-overload/

In the age of the Internet, information is now all around us. This means the likelihood of information overload is more likely. Yet in the age of information where information is all around us, this is a huge problem.

The effects of Information overload are few but devastating. For example, analysis paralysis is likely to happen when you’re overloaded. This makes your life difficult by paralyzing your decision-making skills.

Causes of Information Overload 

There are many causes of Information overload. But they all boil down to one big cause: the rise of “instant tools”. Instant tools are tools where you could get everything you want instantly. For example, need to know a piece of information? You can find it in seconds (Google). Need to ask someone for details, go. It won’t take you days (email). This trend is continuing to rise and shows no sign of stopping. You can’t avoid Information overload because the causes are things you need in this era. Rather, you have to find a cure.

Here is the RINSE technique to overcome information overload:

Routine

When you have a routine, you make less decisions. Less decisions means less likelihood for info overload. It’s that simple. Tell me, do you get overwhelmed when you’re about to open the door because you don’t know which way to turn it? Of course not. It’s already a routine.

“The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.” -Mike Murdock

Implement

With so many people using the Internet, it’s a certainty you will get conflicting ideas, thoughts, and concepts. With this, how do you choose from two options with two different people and they both proved to work? The answer? Implementation. Implementation helps you decide on which idea, thought, or concept is correct or at least will work better for you.

Note-Taking

Taking notes is another way to wage war on Information overload. When you read something, always take good notes. Good notes help you understand a concept better and reflect on it. And they also allow you to remember a fact more easily. Good note taking is a skill you’ve learned in your school years. Time to put it to good use.

Single-Tasking

Single-task. Don’t try to juggle too many things at once. If you do, the conflicting ideas will confuse you. Let’s say you need to write an essay on the effects of climate change and need to make a presentation on politics. That’s two almost unrelated topics.

So let’s say you do both. You make the presentation and write the essay at the same time. Know what will happen? You will be less productive. Not only that, since the two tasks are largely unrelated, you will confuse concepts for either one. One concept could be confused to belong to one task when it’s part of the other.So single-task. Your brain can only take in so much information.

People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on.  But that’s not what it means at all.  It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are.” – Steve Jobs

Exit

Stop reading everything for now. Seriously. Just stop. One reason you get Information overload is the internet, blogs, magazines, and lots of other sources of information. They juice you up with Information your brain can’t cope up. So go and remove yourself from any source of information for a little while. Knowledge is good. But too much isn’t.

Information overload is a big problem especially in the Information Era where information is available everywhere. But with a few tricks and techniques, it can be overcome.

How do you cope up with information overload? Please leave your thoughts below!


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

5 Surprising Benefits of Writing for Entrepreneurs

Posted from http://addicted2success.com/entrepreneur-profile/5-surprising-benefits-of-writing-for-entrepreneurs/

The image that comes to mind when we hear the word ‘writer’ is a recluse, hunched over a word processor, obsessively trying to produce the next great piece of literature. Writing is much more than the image suggests. If the definition of writing is putting thoughts on a page, we are all writers.

Just like how you don’t have to be an artist to draw, you don’t have to be a professional author to reap the great benefits of writing. In fact, almost everyone grows and improves from having a writing habit.

Here are 5 surprising benefits of writing:

1. Writing makes you happier and more productive

Warren Buffett, Richard Branson, and Bill Gates are successful people who write on a regular basis. Mr. Buffett spends a great deal of time thinking and writing. He feels writing is key to refining thoughts. Richard Branson uses a standard-sized school notebook that he believes is his most essential possession. Mr. Gates describes the benefits of writing as a means of sitting down and re-evaluating his thoughts.

These are just a few of the many examples of people who know the value of writing. For them, writing is a tool for encouraging creativity, expression, and thinking. Writing is incredibly useful to many people. Research shows writing affects the mind.

Research indicates expressive writing improves mood and well-being. Those who engage in writing frequently, see a reduction in stress levels. Laura King conducted the research that suggests writing about future dreams and achievements makes people healthier and happier.

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” – Benjamin Franklin 

2. Writing inspires and influences your own self and others

Writers grow to appreciate the power that words have. Those who enjoy writing often want to bring enjoyment and happiness to others. Other reasons people write include the need for validation or income, pushing boundaries, or making sense of experiences.

Entrepreneurship and writing may seem unrelated. Any professional position requires writing, but writing is not necessary to be successful. Regardless of how much someone relies on phone calls and in-person meetings, much of communication happens through writing.

Writing is different than speaking. Every word receives consideration before it is put to the screen or paper. The process functions as thinking in slow motion. It allows one to find better words for abstract ideas and catch faulty logic. As you pick through your brain, you end up editing your own writing.

3. Writing makes you empathize with others

Writing forces the writer to consider the audience of a memo, sales proposal, or business plan. By developing the habit of writing, you start to naturally think about the audience. As you become better at writing, you adjust strategies, actions, and behaviors. A simple phrase change or change in pace can shape your perspective toward a particular demographic set.

One of the best problem-solving avenues is writing. The process allows people to mindfully distil and digest experiences. To untangle a mess in your mind, write out your thoughts to become aware of the language you use. Let a colleague read what you write and provide feedback. This method often proves fruitful.

4. Writing creates self awareness

Journaling is a self-awareness tool that allows us to discover who we really are, cultivate self-love and acceptance, and change things that need changing in our lives. The process helps identify things that drag us down or hold us back. We learn to address such issues in a concrete, positive manner.

Terry Tempest Williams wrote a work entitled, Why We Write. She listed a page and a half of the benefits of writing. Personal writing is a great avenue for dreaming and brainstorming. When used as a private journal, writing is a means of self-reflection. Writing hones thinking. It is similar to meditation. Writers tune into themselves and think deeply about business practices, philosophies, and other issues. Writing bolsters creativity and generates ideas.

Writing and conversation are separate but related skills. They use the language center of the brain. Improving one helps improve the other. Conversations are often thoughtless and quick. Therefore, it is more likely that writing influences conversational ability.

“I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.” Billie Jean King

5. Writing helps you reaffirm your goals

Writing exercises combat automatic filtering and sorting processes in the brain. When you write, you are journaling for mental health. Free writing allows the capture of streams of thought without filtering the information.

Overcoming mental filtering helps clarify thoughts and explore possibilities. Free writing allows the brain to look outside our scope without staying too focused. The process allows us to move forward from a place of stymied creativity and dig for new ideas. Seeing written thoughts allows manipulation of them in a tangible way. Becoming better at writing lets us expand on ideas by adding erasing, and deleting words.

What benefits have you noticed that came from writing? Leave your thoughts below!


By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments

3 Ways We Unconsciously Sabotage Our Relationships (and How to Stop)

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Couple in love

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.” ~Anaïs Nin

As a long-time commitment-phobe, my love life has been somewhat inconsistent, to say the least, but this year it seemed I’d finally met someone I was ready and able to think about building a future with. Still, along with this feeling of hope came some challenges that I had never experienced before in a relationship. (And yes, it did occur to me that maybe these two things went together!)

I knew I loved my partner, but we often seemed to argue about nothing in particular. This was bewildering to me. I really couldn’t understand what had gone wrong! But, thanks to her patient reflecting to me, I recognized how I was contributing to this pattern, and why I needed to alter my own attitudes and behavior rather than blaming my partner and expecting her to change.

I began thinking about all this because it was frustrating to get into a shouting match but not be able to remember what had kicked it all off, only to realize, at the end of it, that we could both have used that time in many more enjoyable or productive ways.

I was sick of feeling stressed about it all, so when the opportunity came up at the local community center, I took a mindfulness class. My expectations weren’t that high, to be honest, but I was ready to try anything!

One challenging exercise was to take a step back from reacting when things got heated between us so that I could see more clearly what was actually going on, what I was doing to fan the flames, and some ways I could change.

One bad habit, I discovered, was how I would often interpret what my lover had said to me in the most negative possible way. If she told me I seemed tired, I’d worry she was saying I wasn’t as good in bed; or, if she said I was looking “healthy,” I’d think she meant I was putting on weight.

I had been too ashamed to actually share these thoughts with her, to see if what I was hearing was what she actually meant. But finally, I couldn’t avoid it any longer. So I plucked up the courage to share these vulnerable feelings, only to discover that I was creating almost all that negativity in my own head.

I realized that my interpretations stemmed from my own low level of trust and self-confidence; and that I needed a lot more reassurance from my partner than I had been willing to admit.

I understood how, because of my history, including the strained relationship I’d had with my parents when I was a child, I found it hard to accept love, even from the person I was closest to. This was hurtful and frustrating for her, and it was making me miserable.

In a strange kind of twist, I was nervous about being happy, even though it was what I wanted, because that meant the risk of being hurt and disappointed, as I’d been in my childhood. The only antidote to these fears seemed to be to learn to love and accept myself for who I was, and not be dependant on getting approval from anyone else.

My partner has been very supportive with this, and paradoxically, this sense of greater emotional independence has made it possible for me to risk being, and feeling, closer and more loving with her.

After reflecting more on the roots of conflict in our relationship, I identified our three main types of communication and saw how confusing them could easily create a mismatch between the intention of what we were saying to each other and how the other interpreted it.

This often led to an argument, which was nothing more than two people with different perspectives each pointlessly trying to convince the other that they were right—a futile pattern that were both keen to avoid.

You might recognize some, or all, of these; if so, what I learned about how to defuse them might work for you too.

1. Arguing with emotions.

These are statements of fact about the experience of the person sharing them—i.e.: “I feel nervous when you drive that fast”—so there’s no point in disagreeing with them.

My mistake was to respond to this kind of statement as if it were my partner’s opinion, and then disagree with it.

Or, I’d respond to personal statements, such as “I feel like you don’t listen to me,” or “You don’t prioritize sending time with me” with a rebuttal, such as “What do you mean, of course I do,” or defensiveness, i.e.: “You’re always criticizing me!”

Denying her reality like this was a sure way of disempowering and upsetting her. Instead, I’m learning to be more tuned in to how she’s feeling, and to respond in ways that validate this and show that it’s important to me.

So now I might respond with, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Can you explain more?” or “Is there anything that I could do differently to change this?” Then I’ll try to act on any response she has given me.

This listening and hearing builds a bridge of trust between us, rather than the wall I used to put up, and makes it much easier for us to find compromises and solutions. It changes from being a zero sum conversation to a win- win.

If you ever deny your partner’s feelings, take a step back before responding and get curious instead of defensive. It’s not easy, but validating each other’s emotions creates an atmosphere of love, care, and understanding.

2. Stating opinions as facts.

The trouble was, we both used to express opinions as if they were facts, the underlying assumption being that one of us was right, and therefore, anyone with a different point of view was wrong. Now, I appreciate and accept that my partner and I can have different perspectives on anything, and neither of us is necessarily more right. I can accept and enjoy our differences rather than being threatened by them.

Formerly, my partner would express opinions like “You’re being selfish,” or even “You work too much!” to me as if they were facts. It was hard for me not to feel judged and criticized.

If she insisted, this led to angry denials. In a perfect world, she would always recognize that these are opinions. But it’s a fact of life that I can’t control what she does, only how I respond to her. So now I try to understand where she’s coming from and why, rather than just reacting, and if I can’t, I ask for an explanation.

Try to recognize when you are stating opinions as fact, or trying to make your partner “wrong.” Communication goes a lot more smoothly when neither person feels judged or criticized.

3. Blaming each other for our own feelings.

I sometimes blamed my partner for my feelings, saying things like, “You’ve made me angry,” or “You’re so insensitive.” Thanks to her patient refusal to take these kinds of accusations on board, I came to see that these statements revealed more about me than her!

With a new awareness of how these dynamics operate between us, I’m able to take responsibility for my own negative feelings, which gives me a much better ability to do something about them, if that’s needed or possible. This also allows me to nurture more mutual trust and intimacy with my partner.

When you’re about to blame your partner for how you feel, step back and ask yourself, “How would I respond if I took responsibility for my feelings instead?” You can still acknowledge how their actions affected you, but you will be doing so from a place of owning your own experience and responses.

Reflecting honestly on this process has been painful and challenging. If you’re at all like me, you may avoid doing any of this work for that very reason. It’s completely natural; we all instinctively avoid pain. All I can say is that, in my experience, it’s more than worth it.

By being clearer about what we are trying to communicate, and more conscious about how we share and listen to each other’s feelings, we can avoid the pitfalls of misunderstanding that could sabotage our relationships. And that will leave a lot more time and energy for what we really want to be doing: sharing love and being happy!

Profile photo of Steve Garrett

About Steve Garrett

Steve is a Wales-based social entrepreneur, writer, and musician in his sixties who hopes he has finally learned a thing or two about love and life that are worth sharing. Steve set up FeMANism as a forum where men could explore how to be their authentic selves at the same time as supporting women’s equality. Read his poetry at lulu.com/spotlight/stephen_garrett.

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By |October 30th, 2016|Commercial|0 Comments