A Quick Guide In Designing Your Children’s Room

Posted from https://www.dumblittleman.com/child-room-design/

Adding fun to your children’s room is no different from any renovation project you have for your home. However, in choosing the right child room design, you have to make sure that it can adapt to the changing moods of your children while allowing them to develop some really cool memories.

If you are not sure where to start, here are some ideas you can consider.

Clocking The Cool Color: The Basics

The project has to start with picking the right color.

It is a myth that children love all colors. In fact, they are very picky.

To address this, you need to introduce themes along with the colors. For instance, you can associate yellow with sunshine and red with roses.

Since children have ideas, make sure to ask for their opinion. Depending on your children’s age, they can assist you in coloring the wall themselves.  For you and your children’s safety, choose paints without toxic fumes.

Thematic Tales: Every Wall Has A Story

harry potter themed childrens room
Via pinterest

Children grow up listening to stories of monsters, centaurs, and unicorns. So, it’s only logical that you design their room with those stories. Hire a professional or grab a paintbrush yourself and draw stories of David Slaying Goliath or Beauty and the Beast. This can freshen up the room while imparting values to your kids.

You also need to pay attention to the room’s flooring since it’s where your children spend most of their activities. You can opt for laminate and vinyl flooring in hardwood, stone, tile, and carpet flooring.

In choosing between laminate and vinyl flooring, consider that your child’s room is a high traffic area and the flooring has to be durable. Laminate is a durable material and it rarely fades. It is resistant to stains and easy to install.

Vinyl flooring, on the other hand, is a step up from the old linoleum types. It is also good for a child’s room as it is resilient and doesn’t take a lot of time to install.

Killing The Ceiling: The Dreamy Sky

dreamy childrens bedroom ceiling
Via Decoist

The right design can make your child’s room look dreamy. Peeling paints and plasters on the ceiling can be really depressing.

Since the ceiling is the last thing your child looks at right before he sleeps, you need to carefully plan its design. It should be designed tastefully and with care.

For the wood ceiling, you can get board planks from your local hardware store. Run them in the same direction on the ceiling. Finish the job with crown molding or wood trim. For ceiling tiles, get the adhesive ones that are easy to install. Mix and match tiles or create a pattern. If there’s an existing wallpaper, make sure to remove the old wallpaper and prepare the ceiling before you add a new design.

Furniture And Accessories: The Finishing Touch

Assess the furniture in your child’s room.

If they are still usable, consider freshening them up. Take out all pieces of wood furniture and sand them down. You can also paint them up with a shade that matches the color scheme you used on the walls. For those items that need upholstering, check if you can do it yourself. If not, make sure to hire someone you can totally trust.

Consider the layout of the room. Children move around a lot and need space. So, go for an uncluttered layout that will allow your children to move freely.

Now, go for accessories. Here is where you can make the most out of your designs. You can use accessories that can double as learning materials. For example, you can make their geometry lessons come alive by decorating the room with different shapes. A mixture of symmetric figures and patterns would enhance the imagination and creativity of your kids.


The best child room design idea is one that reflects his or her dreams, ambitions, and emotions. It should allow them to feel comfortable and safe, too.

By following these steps, you should be able to create the perfect room for your little ones.

The post A Quick Guide In Designing Your Children’s Room appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

By |November 30th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

The Endless Battle Between Good and Popular

Posted from http://feeds.lifehack.org/~r/LifeHack/~3/qIxbr3UIYNw/the-endless-battle-between-good-and-popular

Have you ever watched an awards show and wondered how the judges reached their decision? Specifically, is it really the most talented artists who receive accolades, or is it just about popularity? Some argue that it doesn’t matter how accomplished you are – if your work is not popular, it will never be perceived as “good.”

Let’s take the Grammys as an example. The Best New Artist, Song Of The Year, Record Of The Year, and Album Of The Year categories could theoretically be won by an artist of any musical genre. However, no classical work has ever won one of these awards.[1] Year after year, the Grammy judges seem to reward musicians who are popular, as opposed to those who are “good.”

Looking at the numbers, Taylor Swift’s “1989” won the 2016 Best Album award, whereas Adele’s “25” has been nominated for the 2017 prize. Both these albums have sold in their millions – “1989” sold five million copies by July 2015, and “25” sold over nine million copies in 2016. It would appear that there’s a clear split between “good” and “popular.”

How does this split come about?

At the beginning of an artist’s career, they use their creativity as a means of expressing their feelings. When they make music or create a painting, their aim is to work through difficult emotions and restore a state of contentment and calm. If the result isn’t to their liking, they work hard to make it as good as possible – perfection is the end goal for beginner artists. Popularity isn’t their first priority.

However, as someone learns their craft, they start to crave more attention, and to let others share in their work. Unfortunately, because art is subjective, their audience might not understand what they are trying to achieve, which can be disheartening. At this point, they have an epiphany – if they want to gain popularity and a wider audience, they need to tailor their art to the masses.

The typical artist will then work around other people’s tastes. Their first priority is no longer excellence. Instead, their focus has shifted to increasing their personal popularity.

Good vs Popular

People who focus on producing good work instead of popular end to strive for excellence. They do not care what other people think, and they know that it isn’t always a good idea to follow the crowd. In fact, the masses may not actually care what is best for them, and simply want them to churn out popular works. People who place “good” over “popular” are also free to be more creative.

At the same time, people who do not care whether their work is popular runs the risk of ignoring constructive criticism. They can become too single-minded, and may also become depressed if only a small minority of the population enjoy their work.

On the other hand, people who cater for a wide audience create pieces of work that take into account multiple perspectives, because they are concerned with the opinions of other people. Popular works are more commercially successful, and these people can gain a lot of satisfaction when they achieve a wide audience.

The downside is that people who try to appeal to the majority will lose their personal creativity. They might even develop a reputation as a predictable, “boring” person who produces a string of similar works. When you create things primarily for others, rather than yourself, it can become impersonal and bland.

Those who strive to be popular turn into people-pleasers. When your identity is tied up with your reputation, it’s a constant battle to keep up with the latest fashions. People who try to live up to others’ expectations will run into problems, because the whims and tastes of the public will change over time. A popular person may succeed in changing themselves to suit the majority of their fans, but this could come at a cost of their personal development. They might shift over time, but perhaps not for the better.

However, people who strive to simply produce good work and be the best of themselves can also stall in their development. They may stubbornly refuse to listen to others, and might never evolve beyond the present state.

Why not have both?

When you aim to be either good or popular, you will run into trouble. The answer is to make great stuff, but also takes the perspective of others into account. You need to remain true to your vision, yet remain open to comments and criticism from outsiders. When you combine your vision with the needs of your audience, you have a winning combination.

Let’s look at how this can work in practice. The Japanese lifestyle brand MUJI upholds the principle of minimalism. They take pride in producing high-quality products that come with few features. However, they also cater to a wide market by offering shoppers functionality. For example, they strive to create items that fit with their minimalist aesthetic, but they also take the average person’s needs into account, offering everyday items such as pens and notebooks that fit their philosophy.[2]

Just because our culture tends to divide us into these two categories doesn’t mean that you can’t balance both in you. The trick is to get clear about what you are trying to achieve, and stick to your principles – yet at the same time remaining open to new influences.

The next time you create something, work until it’s the best you can make it, be the best self you can be. Once you are satisfied, ask others for their opinion. Listen carefully, but don’t automatically assume they are right! Keep your integrity intact, and be what makes you happy. It’s great to bring joy to other people’s lives, but your self-respect is important too.


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By |November 30th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

Meghan Markle Net Worth

Posted from https://wealthygorilla.com/meghan-markle-net-worth/

Introduction Meghan Markle is an American actress and model from Los Angeles. She recently became engaged to Prince Harry of the British Royal Family, and plans to retire from acting completely in the next couple of years. Markle has played a regular role in the TV show ‘Suits’, which is where you probably recognize her […]

By |November 30th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

17 Ways To Live Like A Kid Again And Feel Invincible.

Posted from https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/17-ways-to-live-like-a-kid-again-and-feel-invincible/

Remember when you were a kid? You had almost no worries and it was all about making the most of each day. No one could control you and you didn’t take no for an answer. If you wanted something, you just did it even if it meant breaking the rules.

You never let opinions stop you from taking action and you tried new stuff all the time. Every day you were learning crazy new things that you never knew existed.

Then you got older. Society changed your priorities. You got rich. Or you bought a house. Or you got married. Or you had a family.

Then all of a sudden, you forgot how to take the best bits of being a kid and use them in your adult life. You stopped calling the shots as much and your creativity plateaued.

Here’s how to live like a kid again:


Fail like you have no idea what the word means.

As a kid, you had no idea what the word failure meant. As far as you were concerned, you were going to try things no matter what to see if you liked them. There was only exploring and no dead ends. You laughed when you thought there was such thing as girl / boy germs or when you found out Santa wasn’t real.

You didn’t give up on life; you just moved onto the next thing. Get back to trying stuff again and disconnect yourself from whether or not you’re deemed to be successful by someone else’s standards.


Fall over and get a scab on your leg or arm.

I can remember as a kid having a scab on my arm or leg every few months. I was continuously trying outdoor activities that could see me fall over and have a minor injury. To be honest, I haven’t had a scab anywhere on my body for more than a decade.

I’m willing to bet that a lot of you have been a long time between your last scab as well. Scabs are a metaphor for exploration. You get scabs by getting out into the great outdoors and exploring new sights and new scenery. Scabs are not a medical emergency; scabs are a symbol of someone who’s given it a shot.

Go get your next scab and be proud of it. Fall over. Wipeout. Feel the pain and enjoy it.


Ask so many questions that it becomes annoying.

Remember seeing a magician for the first time and having an endless number of questions? Remember how you drove your parents nuts because you refused to stop asking questions until they told you how the magician did their magic?

Asking lots of questions until it becomes annoying is how you get better at asking questions. Asking questions helps you to learn and connect with people. Questions build rapport. Questions are the key to effective communication.

You can never ask too many questions as an adult. Being inquisitive is rare and all your favorite entrepreneurs do it.


Don’t be afraid to look dumb.

“If you ask the question that everyone is thinking, but nobody has the courage to answer out of fear they could look stupid, you’ll become the people’s champion”

There’s no such thing as being dumb. Even if something is really obvious, you may not have been exposed to it before. It’s fine to want to know about something new for the first time. Screw how you look.


Try a new hobby every week.

You remember the days, don’t you? One week you were collecting baseball cards. Then you were going to be a soccer star. Then it was motorbikes. Then it was model trains maybe for a bit. Then you went to a school concert and saw an awesome band and decided to grow your hair long and become a rockstar.

Then what happened as an adult? You only did one or two hobbies. You stopped trying new hobbies even though you weren’t sure about the one or two that you’d “settled” for.

Maybe the reason why you’re feeling unhappy or unfulfilled is because you settled for the wrong hobby and quit exploring too soon. Maybe you were born to do something else. You’ll never know unless you start trying new hobbies again. You might surprise yourself now that you’re an adult.


Let your imagination run wild.

You’d play with your toys and pretend they were real. You’d pretend you were an archaeologist for a day and dig up the backyard looking for treasure. As a small boy, I remember building huge Lego cities in the living room and pretending to be the mayor. Whatever I could dream up, my loyal Lego workers had to build for me.

I came up with crazy roads that were borderline dangerous. I’d put buildings on top of each other and create entrances that only a rock climber could reach. I’d paint the entire town blue because it was my favorite color and I didn’t give care what the citizens of Timsville wanted.

Our imaginations were wild as kids. We saw the world differently. We could see the potential in even the smallest things.

Nothing was as it seems and anything was possible.

Then slowly we were told how the world is. We were told what to think and meanings were given to everything. These meanings became fixed labels that couldn’t be changed. If you didn’t conform to the labels, then you faced a life of uncertainty and pain.

Well I say that this very adult idea is the problem. I’m here writing these words because I believe I can inspire the world and I don’t care if people think I’m nuts. Whatever your crazy idea is, let your imagination take over again.

Imagination leads to creativity and creativity has the power to solve the worlds problems.

“Businesses will pay a lot of money for someone who can see the invisible and who is creative”


Don’t take no for an answer.

Your mother told you that you couldn’t have the ice cream. Did you ever accept her answer?

Hell no. You kept nagging her until she said yes. No never means no. You can’t give up the first time you don’t get what you want as an adult. The child you once were would never take no for an answer. Go back to being relentless when it comes to asking for what you want.


Be creative once a week.

Most of our childhood was spent being creative. It’s when we did our best work and where we earned the accolades that children strive for. Painting a picture used to be cool. Making a clay statue was a superpower.

Somewhere along the way, you were told that this stuff is not important anymore. Creativity is important. Creativity will help you:

– Think big
– Get out of your head
– Come up with new ideas
– Create something new

“Schedule creativity weekly”


Do art again.

Paint. Draw. Do paper mache. Get your hands dirty.


Run around and exercise.

Remember how you played lots of sport as a kid? All of that sport created endorphins inside of you and made you feel part of something bigger. Sport got you off the couch and helped you be fit and healthy. Then you got busy and stopped moving. You became a human hermit crab.

Fall short of breath again. Run. Walk. Swim. Play.


Embrace nap time again.

This time of the day used to be non-negotiable. You had a nap so you could recharge and avoid being cranky. Without a nap, you became like a pissed off brat that would crack it over the smallest thing. Know any adults that still act this way today?

Nap time is good. 15-minute power naps and 10-minute breaks for meditation are good for you.


Go to new places and try the ice cream.


Did you ever always eat the same ice cream at the same store every time?

No way man! You had to have an ice cream at every spot you visited with your parents. It wasn’t about the ice cream but the fact that it was a new destination. The pursuit of ice cream was how you explored the world. Why does this need to change?

Eat ice cream in new places. Explore the world.


Work until you run out of energy.

I’m pretty sure as a kid you never went to bed with loads of energy. You played and worked your little butt off until you were completely exhausted. So now as an adult, why do you stop and watch YouTube after only fifteen minutes of real work?

Work like you are a kid again. I mean really work.


Always smile and laugh as much as you can.

Kids are so freaking happy all the time. Going to the shops is like an adventure to Egypt. Kids smile heaps and laugh at the silliest things. As an adult, you could do with a lot more of this. Smile more. Laugh at stupid jokes. Go see a comedian once in a while and let your hair down.

Laughing and smiling will give you perspective on your problems. They’re not that crucial.


Don’t take life too seriously all the time.

All this adult stuff has got you confused. Being serious 100% of the time is boring. Nothing matters as much as you think it does. This whole reality you live in is made up in your little mind. Your priorities probably don’t matter as much as you think they do.

Take a break from being serious as much as you can like when you were a kid. Allow yourself to enjoy life instead of just living it.


Believe you can do whatever you want.

Your beliefs as a kid were that you could do whatever you want and try whatever you want. Why should this change?

You can do whatever you want in your adult life. It all starts with a decision. Anything is possible and you’re in control. If you really do want to fly to space like you dreamed when you were a kid, then give Elon Musk a call. I hear he’s looking for people that want to go to space.

That could be you if you believe it could be.


Protect your “playtime.”

As a kid, can you remember how you felt when someone threatened your playtime? That’s right, you’d crack a tantrum because when you were a kid, you believed that playtime was essential. It was your favorite time of the day. Now you got a house and bills, playtime is missing. That’s why you get bored and procrastinate, and eat potato chips on the couch.

Playtime is where you can be free again and do stuff that’s fun. It breaks up the long patterns of work and sleep that are needed to execute on your goals.

Time to bring some of your kid like nature back to your adult life.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

By |November 30th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

How Infographics Go Wrong – Keep These In Mind…

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Infographics are an amazing tool to generate enormous traffic because they can relate to every type of reader. For example, people will visit your blog from all over the world and illustrations like infographics can get the point across to them quickly. Infographics are very efficient at the same time because they can compress thousands of words into a language that everyone understands. Another example of this can be seen from the growth of YouTube.com, which was amazing over the last couple of years. However, it’s important to know how to utilize infographics correctly because many bloggers make mediocre mistakes that are very costly. In the end, what good are infographics if they fail to get your main point across and don’t generate the type of buzz you planned for when publishing?

I conducted some research online and managed to come up with 4 tips that will help you avoid some of the common mistakes. Implement them into your marketing going forward, which will increase engagement and conversions. Let’s get started and look at how infographics go wrong and what you can do to correct the issue.

Too Much Text

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when publishing an infographic is having way too much text. Infographics are supposed to be easy to understand because they compress lengthy content into an illustration. Your main objective should be to get your point across through images, charts, and very little text. In other words, you should make sure your infographic is right to the point and the images do MOST of the work for you. However, I can’t believe how many people don’t take this advice and add too much text, making it cluttered. Having way too much text will decrease overall engagement, especially because people are probably on your page to find an easy way to absorb valuable content.

The trick is to keep text limited to ONLY getting the main point across. I recommend using bullet points for any type of text you’ll be adding to your infographic to illustrate a point. Keep in mind, too much text will destroy any infographic, no matter how attractive or optimized the design.

Inaccurate Data

Here’s something else you should keep in mind because this will destroy your infographic. A majority of times, these types of illustrations have been used to help illustrate a case study so will contain charts and numbers. One of the ways to destroy your infographic is to have numbers that don’t match with the corresponding charts or graphs. You have to remember, many people who visit your page are experienced so know when data does NOT make any sense, having made this mistake will destroy your credibility quickly and people will leave and might NOT even come back. You have to keep in mind, people are looking for a credible source of information to provide them with the knowledge they are looking for and inconsistent or inaccurate data is a quick way to destroy this.


The Internet is full of information and people need to find what they are looking for right away. This means getting right to the point on your infographics, but this also means to get rid of any data that doesn’t provide value. I can’t count the number of times I’ve skim over infographics and found some data to be completely irrelevant. If you want to increase engagement and build credibility, then pay attention to what you’re adding to your infographic. For example, write down and have your main purpose right in front of you when building your infographic because this will help guide you through the process. This will also make sure you stay relevant to your topic, providing information that answers the bottom line.

  • Keep objective in mind
  • Know your focus
  • DO a review before publishing making sure information is relevant

The Design

The design of your infographic is very important because it will either increase engagement or push people away. For example, think about how design plays a crucial role on your website and what it does for your audience. Having the navigational menu makes it easy to find information and colors that are easy on the eyes will allow people to stay on the page WITHOUT experiencing eye strain. Anyway, keep these things in mind when designing our infographic, minus the navigational menu, of course. Here are a few key components to pay close attention to:

  • Text size should be big enough to easily read
  • Font style should be universally accepted on all browsers
  • Font color should be clear to read
  • Infographic colors should be easy on the eyes so people are relaxed when viewing
  • Charts and graphs should be easy to read
  • Not too much clutter so you have space around the text, charts, titles, etc.

How To Make 6-Figure Monthly Online Income! Download John Chow’s New eBook!

By |November 30th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

Five Ways to Increase your Self-Confidence

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You're reading Five Ways to Increase your Self-Confidence, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Trusting in your own judgment, abilities and personal power is the essence of self-confidence.  One of my favorite quotes is from Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s a great reminder that self-confidence is an inside job. Self-confidence can be like the weather. Some days your trust in your abilities and judgment may feel a little off and other days you may feel very confident. Hot, cold, cloudy or rainy, the weather is always changing.  Like the weather, some days I wake up feeling fantastic! Other days, I want to crawl back under the covers and wait for a new day. Yes, as human beings with thoughts, emotions, and feelings, we have moments when our confidence changes.  That’s life. And that is okay. Life is still happening all around. The sun rises. The seasons change. There will be traffic for most of us to consider. Your self-confidence is not controlled by the weather or traffic. These things may affect how your day flows; they don’t ultimately affect your confidence. I’ve heard older people say many times, “keep living.” My response now is, that is so true. As we continue living there may be factors that affect your self-confidence including:
  • losing your job
  • moving to a new city
  • changes in your relationships
Our lives are filled with constant images, sights, and sounds that impact even the most confident person. The 24-hour news, tweets, posts and social media notifications can also take a toll on you. I’ve learned to be in my own head and to limit the voices of others in order to maintain a strong sense of self-confidence. I am the creator of my life experiences and I will have to live with the choices I make. Just remember that you have the power to maintain your self-confidence, it is not dependent on outside forces. Try these three tips to maintain or increase your self-confidence:
  1. Breathe. Trust. – Stopping to breathe and check in with yourself on a regular basis allows you to trust your inner guidance system, your intuition. The more you practice this, the stronger your instinctive feelings become and your trust grows.
  2. Go to Bed Early – Sometimes we are over stimulated by daily living. Sleeping can be the only time many people are still or quiet. Make sleep a priority by picking one or two days of the week you will go to bed early. Rest is restorative.
  3. Be Adventurous – Make trying new things a regular practice. Buy music from an unknown singer or artist. Take a painting class. Buy something new from the grocery store. Take a different route home from work.
  4. Limit Notifications – Check your technology to see what types of notifications you have turned on. Decide which ones are most beneficial and keep only one or two active. Turn all the other notifications off. You will thank me later.
  5. Be Your Own Best Friend – Learn to enjoy your own company more than the company of others. In doing so you can take time for self-discovery, try new experiences and decide what you like and don’t like.
Enjoying your own company, being adventurous and getting adequate rest are great confidence boosters. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you remember to stop, breathe and trust your intuition. Trust and believe that you have the power, abilities and judgment to know what is best for you because you do.

You've read Five Ways to Increase your Self-Confidence, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

By |November 30th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

What to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Who’s Grieving

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“Remember that there is no magic wand that can take away the pain and grief. The best any of us can do is to be there and be supportive.” ~Marilyn Mendoza

My mother, an articulate and highly accomplished writer, began to lose much of what she valued a few years ago. Her eyesight was compromised by macular degeneration, her hallmark youthful vigor was replaced with exhaustion, and many of her friends began to die. Finally, and cruelest of all, her memory began to go, slowly at first, and then with increasing speed.

Her struggle and her suffering in the last two years of life were excruciating to watch, and I was helpless to stop what felt like an avalanche of cruel losses.

Sometimes in that last year, she would call me several times a day with distress and confusion. When she finally died, after five ambulance trips to the hospital in six weeks, my first response was thankfulness that she was out of the struggle and, to my surprise, relief. I had been grieving the mother I had known for the last year of her life, and she had already been gone a long time.

It would be another month before I found my grief, and I suspect that it will be there forever; but my immediate feeling was not sadness.

People feel so many things at so many different times about the death of a loved one: loss, anger, devastation, confusion, guilt, and fear, to name a few. If we assume anything about how they are experiencing their loss, we can make them feel worse. Here are a few suggestions about how to reach out, starting with what not to do.

Don’t assume you know what I am going through.

I was surprised by how many people came up to me and said, “I know just what you’re going through.” Even worse, they would tell me, “This will be the saddest thing that will ever happen to you,” or “You won’t know who you are for years after this.”

We all know that losing a mother is a major life event and it changes many things. What we don’t know is how. It is different for each person; we cannot overlay our own experience on someone else’s and assume it’s the same. For me, whose first feelings were that her death was that of a reprieve, it caused me to doubt the validity of my response.

Don’t use religious clichés about this life or another. 

Religious clichés such as “Jesus called her home,” “God needed another angel,” or “it’s in the hands of the Lord,” were infuriating. For one thing, my mother was not a Christian, nor am I. I love the Jesus story, but it doesn’t resonate for me as the only true story, and it sure doesn’t help me feel better about my mothers’ death.

Don’t say “there is a reason for everything.” 

Then the cards began to come filled with familiar clichés: the worst was “there is a reason for everything.”

That feels to me like a way to do a “wrap up” on something that is fragile, personal, and unknown. How do you know there is “a reason for everything?” It insults grief by trying to dilute it into a rational cosmic plan.

You cannot explain, rationalize, or sum up my loss in a tidy little cliché. My reaction to those messages was not to feel more comforted, but to feel more isolated.

Don’t talk about her “passing.”

Talking about people who have “passed” feels like minimizing what happened and avoiding the word “death.” It is a tough word, it is final and irreversible and filled with loss. But it is a true word. It is what we have to manage, and the hugeness of the word, death, in its finality and brutality is what allows us to find our necessary grief.

There were people who said things that did comfort me.

1. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.

2. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.

3. Would you like me to bring you some enchiladas on Tuesday?

4. What was this like for you? I’d love to listen if you would like to talk about it.

Here is the most important thing for you to know.

Each of our relationships has a bubble around it. Within that bubble is the history of what we have shared. Grief is a part of the human experience, and we grieve not just for the person who has died, but also for the part of our history they take with them.

Losing a mother is a major life change regardless of what the relationship was like. But we don’t know what that is like for anyone but ourselves. When we assume we do, we belittle their experience and lose a chance to know them better.

Although we may intend to connect with the other person, sometimes the opposite happens and what we say makes them feel worse. When we invite them to share their own experience, we help to break down the isolating walls of loss and inspire a true connection.

About Linda Carroll

Linda Carroll—MS, is a writer, psychotherapist and a love/life coach specializing in relationship issues of all kinds for both singles and couples, assisting people in their life transitions. Sign up for a free 15 minute coaching session or her free newsletter at www.lindaacarroll.com.You can order her book Love Cycles; The Five Essential Stages of Wholehearted Love on amazon.

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The post What to Say (and Not to Say) to Someone Who’s Grieving appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

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The Introvert’s Hate/Hate Relationship With Spontaneity

Posted from http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/tinybuddha/~3/Kq6owBGux0Y/

“The man who is prepared has his battle half fought.” ~Miguel De Cervantes

They say you should live in the present, and “they” form a chorus of voices that is growing in number by the second. Everywhere you turn these days, the message is loud and clear: life is better when you live in the moment.

I get it; I really do. I know that when I hit that flow state, regardless of what I’m immersed in, time passes in a heartbeat and I tend to really enjoy myself.

It’s just that I would prefer it if I could plan those moments of flow some time in advance. I want—no I need—to prepare myself for the event of letting go. I need to be mentally ready so that I may jump into the river and let the current take me.

If I’m not prepared, that river turns out to be less of a serene, meandering brook, and more a surge of cascading torrents that pummel my senses until I’m half-drowned and ready to give up.

This is why I, the introvert, despise spontaneity in all its forms.

The first few weeks of university really tested me. I lived on campus in a dorm where I shared a communal kitchen with eleven other people. It didn’t matter what night of the week it was, there were people heading out to a bar, restaurant, or club.

I’d often get a knock at my bedroom door and an invitation to one of these nightly excursions: “Oh, hey, me, Johnny, and Mike are heading to {insert one of many different venues} for some beers. You wanna join us?”

At this point I’d be searching every corner of my mind for a reasonable excuse, a Get Out Of Jail Free card that would save me the pain of just saying no. I knew that if I did just decline without justification, I’d get the inevitable looks of astonishment as if I were turning down the opportunity of a lifetime.

“It’s Wednesday.” No, that won’t do.

“I’m tired.” Not going to cut it.

“I’ve just sat down to catch up on Friends.” Watch it another time, I’d be told.

I wanted to tell them the truth, but can you imagine what they’d have said? “Oh, thanks for the invite guys, but I’m an introvert and I can’t stand being spontaneous. Maybe another time, assuming you give me seven days notice in writing.”

Instead, I’d often just mumble something incoherent about how I’ve got a paper due the next day, or how I’m just on the phone to my parents. They usually got the message.

I didn’t avoid nights out entirely; I can be quite a social character when I want to be. I just made sure that I was mentally prepared beforehand. I’d agree (with myself in advance) that I was going out on a particular night, and I made sure I spent plenty of time alone in the afternoon or early evening to recharge my batteries ready for the oncoming festivities.

Eventually, I had a nice little routine going. I’d go out on Monday most weeks, Friday some weeks, Saturday almost every week, and the occasional Thursday. No other nights really got a look-in. And it tended to be the same set of places each time because of certain student promotions or theme nights.

What’s more, my friends knew when I was and was not going to accept their invitations, so they stopped knocking when they knew it was a waste of their time.

Somehow, I had managed to appear fairly sociable and outgoing while avoiding anything unexpected. I had planned my way out of spontaneity.

Structure: An Introvert’s Best Friend

My experiences as a student might not exactly mirror your situation, but as a fellow introvert, I’m sure you can relate to the need for structure and routine in your life.

There are few things less enjoyable for an introvert than being coerced into some random activity at some unplanned time with unfamiliar people. It’s literally our Kryptonite.

We simply cannot handle the unknowns: Where are we going? What is the place like? What will we be doing there? Who else is going? How are we getting there?

Perhaps the uncertainty that scares us most is not knowing when it will end. Social activity drains us, but spontaneous social activity burns through our energy reserves in double-quick time because of how much we have to think, react, and absorb when we’re not mentally ready for it.

If there’s no clear time at which things will draw to a close, we panic, knowing we’ll be utterly spent in the not-too-distant future.

Put some structure in place—primarily in the form of plenty of warning—and we will be able to extract far more enjoyment out of the very same event or activity. When we know it’s coming, we have time to open ourselves up to the possibility of enjoying ourselves. We remove our shackles and move more freely, both physically and mentally.

Be Confident In Your Boundaries

The reason I found those early weeks of university so difficult was because I felt bad saying no to people. I wanted to make friends as much as the next person, and I always had this nagging feeling that my refusal to take part would see me labelled as boring.

Somehow or another it all worked out, but I could have avoided plenty of insecurity had I just understood that putting personal boundaries in place is not a sign of weakness. I did say no to people, and I did it a lot. These days, I’m much more comfortable doing it, and it reduces the anxiety I feel around spontaneity itself.

I know I can turn down anything I don’t feel like doing, and I don’t worry so much about what other people think. I’ve learnt that, actually, most spontaneous people care a lot less about receiving a no from introverts like you or I. Or rather, they get over the rejection quickly because they’re too busy just getting on with whatever spontaneous act it is they are doing.

In these situations, it’s the introverts who tend to overthink everything. You may dwell on the exchange for hours after it happened, considering all of the possible ways you could have handled it better or the consequences of your refusal. The big deal exists almost entirely in your head. So it’s in your head that the battle must be won.

The challenge is to know your boundaries intimately and to build them strong and sturdy so that you are able to confidently say no to offers and invitations that you either have not planned for or do not think you’d enjoy. No is not a dirty word and you shouldn’t be afraid of using it.

Take The Reigns Yourself

There is a relatively simple way to avoid spontaneous requests from others: get in there first. You want a plan in place, right? You crave structure in your life. Then create the plan and add the structure yourself.

Don’t wait for your friends to suggest you meet up that night, or the next night for dinner. Suggest a date and a time that feels comfortable for you. A few days time, next week, in a fortnight; it doesn’t matter as long as it gives you enough time to prepare mentally.

And if you know that these events tend to happen naturally every couple of months, keep this in mind and put a note on your calendar to start suggesting dates well in advance. This also has the added benefit of making you seem like the sociable one because you’re doing much of the organizing.

Yes, you may be an introvert, but that doesn’t mean you don’t ever want to see anyone. We introverts can enjoy ourselves as much as anyone else, but having some forewarning will only serve to make the whole process more compatible with your needs and wishes.

About Steve Waller

Steve Waller is a big believer in the power of self-improvement and wants to see others open themselves up to the possibilities of life. He took this passion and founded A Conscious Rethink—a blog dedicated to helping others overcome the roadblocks they face on their paths. You can also follow him on Facebook and Pinterest.

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

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5 Really Useful Tips For Renting A Car Abroad

Posted from https://www.dumblittleman.com/renting-a-car-abroad/

Often, the best way to go traveling is to rent a car and just head on out there. In that way, you can get off the beaten trail and see the world beyond the hotel in your own time and at your own speed. That’s way better than getting stuck in one of those tourist bus groups or trying to see everything with public transportation.

Of course, if you’re going to rent a car while you’re abroad, then you want to make sure that you do so correctly. After all, to get into an accident or get into a bunch of trouble can really put a crick on your vacation. In our experience, a lot of holidays can be ruined by a serious mishap as it throws a wrench in the group cohesion.

For that reason, here are the best tips you can use when renting a car abroad.

Make sure your driving license and insurance work where you’re going

You might think that one country’s driving license is as good as another’s, but that isn’t necessarily true. In some countries, they don’t accept driving licenses from other places.

Before you head off, check that your driving license will be accepted where you’re going. For example, US licenses aren’t accepted in a lot of countries, like Italy and Germany. So, check first with the embassy of your target destination.

Even better, get an international driving permit. These pieces of paper will let you drive nearly everywhere without any trouble.

While you’re at it, make sure you check if your car insurance also applies abroad and to other vehicles. If not, then it might be a good idea to get insurance from a company in the country that you’ll be in.

Note that a lot of car rental companies will insist that you have insurance. So, if you do have an insurance policy that will protect you while you’re abroad, take a copy of it so that you can prove you’re insured.

See Also: Top 5 Mistakes to Avoid When Shopping for The Best Auto Insurance in Canada

Is it safe to drive there?

You’d be amazed what some drivers in other countries get up to.

In many countries, for example, they don’t pay any attention to the dividing lines between lanes. They’ll just drive where there is space. In other places, the rule isn’t that you have right of way based on signage or some kind of agreement, but based on the size of the vehicle you’re driving.

Then, there are countries where there are more potholes than road, where chickens and pigs regularly cross the road and where the people use the road surface to dry their beans or crops.

Driving in these countries can really elevate your heartbeat and stain the enjoyment of everybody in the car. For that reason, make sure to check first what other people have to say about the country you’re going. You can get a lot of ideas online.

Before you get behind the wheel, take pictures of everything

take car pictures

This has saved me so much money over the years. Before I go out, I take pictures of everything inside and out. Every scratch, dent or mark I can find, I photograph. I also photograph the rental agent with the car somewhere in the sequence, as well as the fuel gauge and the seats.


Because the pictures will serve as proof of the car’s condition before you hit the road.

If they say that a dent wasn’t there in the morning, you can show that it most certainly was. You’d be surprised how often they’ll try to get different tourists to pay for the same tactic. Don’t be one of those people. Take pictures of everything. It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

Also, make sure that you know how much fuel you had when you started out and that you bring it back with just as much. This can be annoying, but they’ll often give you the car with an empty tank and not give you any kind of compensation when you return it with a full one.

You need navigation

navigational map

Have you tried navigating with a paper map lately?

Back before the days of GPS and mapping technology, that was a major reason people broke up, you know. Don’t put your relationship under that kind of strain.

There are a lot of mapping apps that you can download straight to your phone. There are even apps which don’t require to be connected online but just work with your GPS.

Take your device with you when you go out. It will mean less time in the car and less chances for you and your partner to yell at each other.

It’s a holiday, not a fantasy

And finally, remember that it’s a holiday and not a fantasy. Just because you’re not back home doesn’t mean you’re suddenly invulnerable.

So many people seem to forget that. The result?

People’s chances of getting into accidents are much higher when they’re in foreign countries.

Don’t end up as a part of that statistic.

Drive safe. Pay attention to how the people in the country drive and try to drive safely like them.

For example, a friend of mine got into an accident because he stopped in front of a zebra crossing to let a person pass in Turkey. The cars behind him hadn’t expected that (they don’t stop for crossings there) and crashed fully into the back of his car.

Obviously, that left for a sticky situation where the Turkish guy was yelling and so was my friend. What’s the point of zebra crossings, if you’re not going to stop for them anyway?

And though he had insurance and it was covered, his vacation was still not as much fun as it could have been.

Don’t let that happen to you. Understand how the people drive and know what to expect.

See Also: Top 10 Cheap European Car Hire Destinations

The post 5 Really Useful Tips For Renting A Car Abroad appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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Are You The Odd One Out?

Posted from http://feeds.lifehack.org/~r/LifeHack/~3/sJOgcFcLkfE/are-you-the-odd-one-out

Everyone is looking for success and it is surely not that easy to achieve. It’s the thought that counts that help us get out of bed in the morning and keeps us up at night to pursue our passion. Most constantly work all their lives and would still not leave a single mark in history. So how then can we try to set ourselves apart? Is it purely hard work or doing something at the right time?

We strive day and night to find the answers to our questions. How did Bill Gates make it, how did Steve Jobs create his Apple empire? How can we replicate their success or create a new one for ourselves? These are just some of the questions we may ask ourselves from time to time. In Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcolm Gladwell takes us on an inspiring journey into the minds of successful people in the world.

Journey of the successful

The book follows some of the most successful personalities from each area of history. The book follows how Bill Gates achieved his immense wealth, how the Beatles came to be the most popular band in history. He follows different factors that might have affected them, their culture, their birth month, their upbringing and struggles. The book repeatedly mentions the’10,000 hour rule’; the rule states that to succeed in any fielding practice is the key.

What makes the successful different?

In his book, Malcolm Gladwell refers to a select few as the ‘outliers’ – the best of the best, the successful and the rich. He explains to us how the elite are different from us and how we are missing out on understanding their success. He answers this by stating that we pay too much attention to their post-success lifestyle when instead we should focus on their past. Their upbringing, their education, their struggles, these are the things we should focus on, they bring us closer to them and give us a better understanding of them because we can see them in our shoes. This helps with decision making and boosts confidence in our abilities.

The book is a must-read for anyone that is wanting to succeed. The in-depth interview with Bill Gates provides readers with an insight into the mind of the richest man in the world, and is inspiring to young people everywhere.

Reading duration: 6 hours 56 mins

Get Outliers: The Story of Success from Amazon at $12.35.

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