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The Letter I Wrote To A Broken Man

Posted from https://addicted2success.com/motivation/the-letter-i-wrote-to-a-broken-man/

Every day I get lots of emails from readers asking me how to solve a major life issue.

I got one last week and realized that my advice is often the same. I thought that it might be easier to write my advice about how to stop being so broken. That way, every time I get one of these emails I can point people to it.

Here’s the advice I gave this broken man that wrote to me:

 

1. Find someone who is going to change your thinking

This man had a whole list of problems that he tried to tell me were impossible to solve. He listed them in such detail and made each one sound beyond impossible to solve. He was hoping that he would bamboozle me and that I’d reply and say “Mate you’re right, those problems are impossible to solve and I can’t help you.”

The first step I always tell these so called “broken people” is that they need to get out of their head. They’ve become obsessed with their challenges and they need to interrupt their thinking. The easiest and quickest way to do this is to find someone to change your thinking.

To make this broken man’s life easy, I gave him the answer of who to start with. He needed a rapid change of thinking and the best person I know to do this is Tony Robbins. Now I could have let him find his own person to assist, but it would have ended up becoming another excuse.

What he needed to hear was something radically different to the story that he’d memorized and become an expert narrator in. Tony sure knows how to change the way you think and slap you in the face when you need it. This is always the beginning.

 

2. Quit your job

This broken man blamed a lot of his problems on his job. This is common in all the letters I get from people who think they’re broken. They all have an issue that stems from what they do for a living.

What’s crazy is that your job or business is your decision. If you don’t like the result, then quit. It’s not rocket science; it’s just the reality.

“Quitting something you hate is the best decision you’ll ever make”

You can always find another source of income. The best thing about quitting is that you’ll be forced to find a new way to make a living pretty quickly so you can pay your bills.

Make it a slow transition if you need to, but just know that you must quit. Don’t let anything piss you off anymore. Stop doing what you don’t love. If your work doesn’t light you up, then quit!

 

3. Failing a lot is good. Stop being afraid.

My friend, the broken man, tried to tell me that he was failing a lot. I stood up in my seat and gave him a metaphorical round of applause (he obviously couldn’t see me do this). If you’re failing a lot, then that’s the best bloody news I’ve ever heard! Don’t be down about it; be excited about it.

This means your giving it a go and taking action. That’s better than 99% of other people who are doing nothing and sitting on the couch hoping to get lucky. You’ll eventually find a way if you keep failing. It’s inevitable.

Being afraid is unnecessary and it’s delusional. You’re not supposed to know exactly what to do and no one who is successful does.

“You’re supposed to take action, and then learn from the outcomes and adjust the sails of your ship as you go”

 

4. Go and volunteer at a homeless shelter

I’ve said this one a lot because I’ve personally found it very effective – In fact, I was just at the homeless shelter again last week. It’s the idea that you need to see problems far bigger than your own. I’ve never seen anyone walk into a homeless shelter and spend a day there, who hasn’t come out the other side with a new way of looking at life.

You’re forced into helping others and you do whatever you can because many of the people you’ll meet are beyond desperate. In reality, your problems are not desperate where as there’s is. Once you’ve seen the worst there is to see, then you’ll be able to break your pattern of misery.

 

5. Your problems are the same

This broken man was so stuck in his circumstances that he couldn’t see the rest of the world. He stopped seeing the hardships that others are going through and he somehow believed the lie that he was the only one facing these problems. I told him something he didn’t expect: “Your problems are the same as every other email I get.”

This was true. Every email I get with these so-called “impossible challenges” is the same. It’s the same issue with a different character playing the lead role of the story. Your problems are not unique or special. Your problems yesterday were vanilla and my problems today are strawberry. They’re all flavors of the same milkshake.

 

6. You’re being selfish

The last very blunt thing I said to this broken man (out of love and respect) was: “You’re being selfish.” I told him that his entire story was about him and his own selfish desires.

Nowhere in the story was there room for anybody else. Nowhere in the story was there a purpose to unite people, or serve people or give something to someone. It was all just about him and how important he was and how he must have all the answers.

“The way you become broken in the first place is when you’re 100% focused on yourself”

Selfishness is at the heart of so many life problems. It’s not all about you, you know. I’d go as far as saying that you should make your life about much more than you.

Once you move away from being entirely selfish, new opportunities start to find their way to you. These opportunities are not luck; these opportunities are the result of you moving beyond just caring about yourself. Until you give a damn about other people, you’re going to continue to be broken.

You started to become broken in the first place when you forgot about everyone else and became obsessed with yourself. Kill the obsession and you’ll find the answer to your dreams.

These are the things I told this young man. These are the same tools you can use if you feel broken.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net


By |August 21st, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

The Best Anxiety Treatment I'd Recommend as a Psychotherapist

Posted from http://feeds.lifehack.org/~r/LifeHack/~3/HIdXiXwPSbY/anxiety-treatment

In Part I of this two-part series, we looked at what anxiety is and how to tell if you or someone close to you is suffering from an anxiety disorder.

Now let’s explore the causes of anxiety disorders and the treatments for them. We’ll also delve into the best self-help strategies anxiety sufferers can practice themselves and how their friends and families can help.

Types of people who are prone to anxiety disorders

The causes of anxiety disorders are not completely understood, but most people I’ve worked with seem to have one or more of the following: a more sensitive temperament, to have suffered events that felt traumatic to them early in life, and to have endured a period of stressful situations. The combination of these factors brought them to a tipping point that created an anxiety disorder. Specific risk factors for anxiety disorders include:

  • Childhood trauma, such as abuse, neglect, or witnessing a traumatic event.
  • Stress build-up due to a single, very stressful event or a sequence of smaller stressful situations.
  • Having close relatives with an anxiety disorder.
  • Chronic physical illness.
  • Substance abuse.
  • Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.

The most common misconceptions about anxiety

Common misconceptions about anxiety disorders include:

  • Anxiety is not a “real” illness and people who have anxiety just need to get over it.
  • Anxiety is part of who a person is and can’t change.
  • Anxiety disorders can’t be cured, you just have to live with them.
  • An anxiety disorder is a brain disorder.
  • There are quick-fix remedies for anxiety disorders.

None of these is true. Anxiety is a real illness, it is caused by multiple factors, and although there are no “quick fixes,” it can be cured by a combination of therapy, self-help strategies, supports, and life-affirming activities.

When to consider medication

When I work with people who have anxiety, I suggest medication only after we have tried other methods.

Most people can resolve an anxiety disorder by developing a “package” that includes developing a different attitude toward their lives, doing specific practices and activities that relax and stabilize, removing unnecessary stresses, and understanding the underlying issues that caused their anxiety disorder.

When the anxiety is so great that a client can’t make the needed changes, medication can often be a helpful supplement to therapy and self-care. Occasionally, medication is necessary in an ongoing way, but I haven’t found that often to be so.

The one exception is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). People who have OCD often respond very well to the Prozac family of antidepressants, usually administered in larger doses than given for depression.

Medications that help with anxiety come in two varieties: antidepressants and anxiolytics.

Some antidepressants help with both depression and anxiety, particularly the antidepressants in the Prozac family, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Sometimes people remain on antidepressants for a long time, but often they can stop after they have learned other ways to handle anxiety and depression.

Anxiolytics work on the specific parts of the brain that are associated with anxiety. These include medications such as Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, and Valium. They are fast-acting, but they don’t address underlying causes. Although they are sometimes prescribed as long-term treatments, in my experience they are best used on a short-term, as-needed basis. They tend to lose effectiveness when they are taken regularly, and they are physically addicting. For many people, stopping an anxiolytic they have become physically dependent on is harder than quitting smoking.

The right approach to tackle anxiety

The most important thing people with an anxiety disorder can do is to learn as much as they can about their problem and how to treat it. People who take charge of their illnesses, whether physical or psychological, always do better than people who are more passive.

The next most important thing to do is to find a therapist who understands anxiety disorders, has had success working with them, and who seems to “get” you. All therapists are not created equal.

Interview your prospective therapist on the phone about how he or she might help with your anxiety, and ask how many clients he or she has successfully treated. If someone is helping you, keep seeing that person. If, after a few sessions, you don’t feel significantly helped, discuss it with the therapist. If, after the discussion, you continue not to feel helped, this therapist is probably not right for you. Ask for a referral, and also consult therapist directories such as Goodtherapy.org and the Find-a-Therapist service sponsored by Psychology Today.

A good self-help book on anxiety disorders is an extremely useful supplement to therapy. The best I’ve found, and one I often recommend to clients, is The Anxiety & Phobias Workbook by Edmund Bourne. It’s a virtual encyclopedia of knowledge, self-tests, and strategies for dealing with anxiety.

Along with therapy, some of the most effective activities I’ve found helpful for reducing anxiety and becoming more resilient include:

  • Learning to treat yourself with the same compassion you would show to others you love.
  • Developing a healthy lifestyle, including proper nutrition, exercise, and good sleep habits.
  • Building nurturing relationships with friends, families, and other social supports.
  • Regularly practicing centering, self-soothing techniques such as meditation, yoga, and walks in nature.
  • Developing a creative activity that you can look forward to doing even when you feel anxious.
  • Noticing what helps – and doing more of it!

What not to do when having anxiety

The list of things NOT to do is pretty short:

  • Don’t use alcohol and drugs, since they can make anxiety worse.
  • Quit smoking, as nicotine can also worsen anxiety.
  • Cut down on your consumption of foods and beverages that contain caffeine, such as coffee, tea, cola, energy drinks, and chocolate. Caffeine can increase anxiety symptoms.
  • Don’t overcommit to activities that increase your anxiety. Pushing too hard doesn’t speed up recovery.
  • But don’t always give in to anxiety, either. Gently challenging anxiety is helpful.

The best things friends and family can do to help

These are some of the things friends and family can do to help people who have anxiety disorders.

Learn about anxiety disorders

Knowledge is power. The most helpful thing friends and family can do is to help the person with anxiety feel seen, heard, and understood. You can’t help someone if you don’t understand what they are going through.

Ask how to help

Everyone is different, and everyone needs different kinds of support. People with anxiety can tell you what helps and what doesn’t.

Be reassuring

Remind anxiety sufferers not to be too hard on themselves, and reassure them that the disorder is not their fault. Praise accomplishments and progress. Let them know you care.

Be a companion

People with anxiety are often reluctant to start new things. Offer to go to a yoga class, take a walk or bike ride, or do some other kind of relaxing physical activity together.

Encourage treatment

No matter how compassionate and how smart you are, someone with an anxiety disorder probably also needs professional help. Offer to help them find a therapist. See if they would like a ride to a therapy session.

Get help yourself

Being supportive of someone with an anxiety disorder can sometimes be taxing, so make sure you have someone to talk to, too.

The worst things friends and family can do

These are some of the things people with anxiety disorders have described as unhelpful:

Acting like nothing is wrong or minimizing the problem

Minimizing the problem, in an attempt to make someone feel better, often has the reverse effect.

Telling them that if they stop dwelling on their issues they’ll go away

Part of the problem is that they can’t simply stop dwelling on their issues. Don’t ask them to do what seems impossible.

Telling them to “get their act together.”

If people with anxiety could just “get their act together,” they would have done so already.

Blaming their problems on bad life decisions

Anxiety is not the result of bad life decisions.

Giving unsolicited advice

Like almost everyone else, people with anxiety welcome advice when it’s asked for, but not when it’s unsolicited.

Pressuring them to go out and do things

People with anxiety have to go at their own pace. Encouragement is fine. Pressure is counterproductive.

Getting frustrated

It’s difficult to remain patient when someone seems to keep suffering in ways that you, the non-anxious person, would find easy to change. If you feel frustrated, imagine how you’d respond to someone with a physical problem and you’ll probably regain your patience.

Enabling

Although pushing is rarely helpful, enabling anxiety by never challenging the “rules” the anxious person has set up is not helpful either. Finding the right balance between encouraging and accepting current limitations is an ongoing experiment, both for the anxious person and for the people who are trying to help.

Treatments I’ve found most effective

The generally recommended treatment for anxiety disorders is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a structured form of therapy that focuses mainly on identifying and correcting mistaken beliefs and on teaching skills to modify dysfunctional thinking and behavior.

In my experience, CBT is a useful framework around which to structure therapy for anxiety disorders, but it is not usually sufficient. I adapt the treatment to the individual, and to where the individual is in his or her recovery. Although treatments are different for different people and vary throughout the course of recovery, the basic components include:

  • Forming a trusting client/therapist relationship.
  • Helping the person build additional supports that help him or her to thrive.
  • Identifying contributing factors in the person’s history, environment, and their ways of processing perceptions, thoughts, and feelings
  • Identifying contributing factors that can be changed, and developing strategies for changing them.
  • Identifying contributing factors that cannot be changed, and developing strategies for accepting them.
  • Teaching skills necessary for functioning in a more satisfying way.
  • Teaching methods for monitoring and maintaining progress.

To give you an idea of how varied treatment for anxiety disorders can be, here are a few snapshots of clients who have successfully dealt with their disorders.

With a client who had social anxiety, we focused mainly on helping her remove stressors, including a too-demanding job and a dysfunctional romantic relationship. Then we worked on developing the ability to enjoy small talk and other social lubricants and on understanding how some of her patterns in social situations were shaped by her family of origin but didn’t apply to her current life.

With a client who had a phobia about germs as well as OCD symptoms, what helped most was asking the client to research the germ situations he was afraid of and really test them. I also asked him to vary his counting and checking routines to help him see that they were not always necessary. For example, instead of always locking a door three times, he would sometimes do it seven times, sometimes two, and so on. Eventually, he stopped counting entirely.

A client whose untreated OCD made it impossible to leave a room without a complex set of time-consuming rituals was unable to make progress with therapy until she started on a relatively large dose of Prozac, after which the OCD symptoms quickly subsided. When she tried getting off the Prozac, the rituals returned. Staying on Prozac was the best solution for her.

I helped a client who had Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I found that her anxiety was not really related to the things she worried about. Instead, it was an ever-present free-floating anxiety that “landed” on various circumstances in her life. Using a technique from Gestalt therapy, she learned to befriend her anxious part and to pay direct, compassionate attention to it rather than trying to suppress or correct it.

Where to go from here?

Over the years, I’ve worked with many people who have fully recovered from anxiety disorders and now live much richer, fuller, and far less worried lives. Where there’s a will there’s a way. With the right kind of professional help, the right supports, and, most importantly, the right person at the helm – you! – I’m confident you’ll find your way, too.

The post The Best Anxiety Treatment I’d Recommend as a Psychotherapist appeared first on Lifehack.


By |August 21st, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

How to Follow a Healthy Mental Diet

Posted from http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/pickthebrain/LYVv/~3/Rn5NPb3nyaQ/

You're reading How to Follow a Healthy Mental Diet, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look. -Shakespeare, “Julius Caesar” I’ve never liked the word or concept of “diet”, because it implies something that’s temporary. In fact, let’s put this eating plan into action, you make it permanent and rename it. Come on over for a meal.

1-Healthy Conditions for Food Preparation and Enjoyable Dining

I started planning today’s “food” by consulting yesterday’s diary, my recipe book. Yesterday went well, with the right mix of ingredients, good preparation, mindful eating, productivity, rest, and exercise. Come on in. A well-lit, spacious, uncluttered kitchen and eating area are a must. Emptiness is the most surprising beneficial quality of mind that I’ve ever found. So, let’s sit and be mindful. If your mind is empty, it is also well-lit, with new thoughts and feelings easily spotted. An empty mind provides a clean and dry floor so that cook and diner keep their balance. The cook needs to be attentive and observant. Not judgmental, not critical, just observant. Remember, this is a meal together, but it’s also a template for daily healthy living

2-Protein

These elements don’t have to be in any particular order. Mindful productivity is the protein or fuel of mental activity, keeping off procrastination on the one hand and obsessive activity on the other. The chef needs to be attentive for maximum preparation, and the diner needs to eat slowly Chew the protein, observe the bites mindfully, enjoy healthy activity. Of course, part of this mental protein is regular exercise plus necessary tasks.

3-Carbohydrates

Take the plate, please. Creativity is essential for sustenance, and its equivalent in the eating world is whole grains. This class of food that satisfies, but, due to the difficulty in breaking it down, it helps keep off weight and provides essential fuels. Contemplation, structured or not, are the fruits and vegetables of the diet, yielding essential nutrients and the healthiest forms of sugar.

4-Fats

Don’t be put off by the idea of fats. Fats are extremely important. They provide insulation and temperature regulation. Fats provide energy, plus, they aid in absorbing vitamins and producing hormones. In terms of living, authentic emotion comprises the fat of a balanced mental diet. Too much fat, in the form of inauthentic emotion, forces our psychic body to work too hard to be healthy and perform its required tasks. Meanwhile, the stifling of authentic emotion produces defensive thinking, cutting us off from experiencing life directly.

5-Vitamins

Pick up the bottle, and take out three of them. I’ve checked the dosage, so don’t worry. Here’s some useful information. Vitamins come mostly from the food we eat, so the better we eat, the more we’ll take in the vitamins we need. Vitamins are the experience, (Remember, I had you take three above!) the sum of our actions, our history, and our creativity.

6-Water

Hand me your glass…thanks. Liquids and especially water are essential for health. After all, 80% of our body is water. Thoughts are our water. Sometimes it seems as if 80% of our experience is taken up with thought. Water (not just ANY liquid) provides the best kind of healthy regulation of the body. So, observed thought and productive thought that enhance intelligence and habit are psychological water. Avoid the sugary sweet or intoxicating liquids of obsession, fear, or anxiety.

7-The Act of Eating

Okay, let’s sit for a moment and consider all that we’ve consumed. Healthy eating requires mindful chewing and enjoyment of this balanced diet. Both cook and diner must be patient and open to the experience. Healthy companionship and relationships maximize a balanced life. I hope you enjoyed sharing this meal; I enjoyed having you. Sharing our gifts, like sharing food, is vital to helping both others as well as our own growth. When we are “full” in a healthy way, we must note that observation and cease consumption.

8-Cleaning Up

While we enjoy the eating of life easily, we are reluctant to “clean up”. As a result, some spiritual practices are hard. But “cleaning up” requires forgiveness of others, repentance, self-sacrifice, and looking carefully at emotions such as anger and frustration. So, when it comes to living, follow a balanced “eating” regime. Call it whatever you wish, but eat follow a healthy psychic diet for the rest of your days. Eat well, and be happy.
Lars Nielsen has decades of experience helping individuals and businesses discover and share their core message. Whatever your message or audience, grab his "Make YOUR Message Matter Cheat Sheet" (http://www.makemessagematter.com/) and put his time-tested techniques to work immediately.

You've read How to Follow a Healthy Mental Diet, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.


By |August 21st, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

6 Things You Must Do To Transform Your Life – Jack Canfield

Posted from https://addicted2success.com/podcasts/6-things-you-must-do-to-transform-your-life-jack-canfield/

Jack Canfield the author of Chicken Soup for The Soul and The Success Principles hangs out with me last week to talk about how YOU can transform your life with self development.

Jack Canfield has sold over half a billion books in his lifetime and has developed a number of incredible exercises and ways of thinking over the last few decades to help you elevate your success and live a life of empowerment.

Click Play below to listen to the podcast episode with Jack Canfield.

 

Or you can watch the FULL Video interview here

 

Jack-Canfield-Quote


By |August 21st, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

5 Habits Of Radically Authentic Leaders – Malaine Lea

Posted from https://addicted2success.com/podcasts/5-habits-of-radically-authentic-leaders-malaine-lea/

New Jersey’s very own Women’s Lifestyle Architect and 6 Figure Transformational coach “Malaine Lea” shares the habits of Radically Authentic, Highly Impactful and Incredibly Intentional Leaders.

As a Lifestyle Architect Malaine Lea loves supporting you in redefining and designing who you really are from the inside out.

 

Click Play below to listen to the podcast episode with Malaine Lea.

 

Malaine-Lea-Quote

 


By |August 20th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

How to Share Your Vision and Ideas With The Super Wealthy – Kevin Harrington

Posted from https://addicted2success.com/podcasts/how-to-share-your-vision-and-ideas-with-the-super-wealthy-kevin-harrington/

Kevin Harrington is an American entrepreneur and business executive. Harrington is the founder of “As Seen On TV”. Kevin has appeared on the television series Shark Tank and has launched over 500 products resulting in more than $5 Billion in sales worldwide.

 

Listen to this Addicted2Success episode to find out how you can share your vision in the most effective way


By |August 20th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

How to Say No When You Feel You Can Only Say Yes

Posted from http://feeds.lifehack.org/~r/LifeHack/~3/BdFzko1LTGw/how-to-say-no

For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no

When you learn the art of saying ‘no’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing) you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, “I finally got to this question: What do I want?”

Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything,” he said.

When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How we are pressured to say yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How to say no when you feel that you can only say yes

Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest-using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no.

Tip #1: Check in with your obligation meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

Tip #2: Resist the fear of missing out or FOMO

Do you have a fear of missing out or FOMO? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

Tip #3: Check your assumptions about what it means to say ‘no’

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In tip #X below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

Tip #4: When the request comes in, sit on it.

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past. Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

Tip #5: Communicate your ‘no’ with transparency and kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time. Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no. A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

Tip #6: Consider how to use a modified ‘no’

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you. Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

Remember a few key things as you learn the art of no

You will need to get out of your comfort zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

You are the air traffic controller of your time

Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it. Who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

Saying ‘no’ means saying ‘yes’ to something that matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

Start to say ‘no’ from now on

What do you have to lose? Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes. Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

The post How to Say No When You Feel You Can Only Say Yes appeared first on Lifehack.


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The Dot Com Lunch – Drug of Choice Edition

Posted from http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/JohnChowDotCom/~3/SSjHj0CqYEU/

On this episode the Dot Com Lunch, I talk about a new book call Drug of Choice, Clare plays with play dough and the Pho Ba Co server goes out of his way to make sure I get served last.

Click Here To Download John Chow’s New eBook, The Ultimate Online Profit Model!


By |August 20th, 2017|Commercial|0 Comments

Does a Romantic Candle Lit Dinner Help To Drive Better Sex?

Posted from http://feeds.lifehack.org/~r/LifeHack/~3/IW1oqm4jvOU/does-romantic-candle-lit-dinner-help-to-drive-better-sex

Sunset picnics on the beach. Romantic candle lit dinners. Lovers feeding each other chocolate fondue. It seems like there is no shortage of associations between food, romance and sex. But are these familiar scenes just go-to content for lazy rom-com writers and first dates? Or do these meals actually lead to more exciting and enjoyable sex when the lights are turned down low?

In other words, are couples really more likely to have sex after consuming certain foods?

There is some evidence of a surface level connection between food and sex

Specifically, certain foods are more associated with sex than others. And this is largely thought to be the case because the shape of some foods resembles male and female genitalia. Think about the phallic shape of a banana (not to mention the widely used eggplant emoji as sexual innuendo!). And then there are foods that are thought to resemble the shape of a vulva, such as figs and oysters. Because these foods are thought to make us think about our (and/or our partner’s) genitals, it has been suggested that eating them may put sex on our brains and make us more likely to act on those impulses.

There is also some evidence that certain foods can stimulate our bodies in ways that mimic our natural preparation for sex. Blood flow is an essential component of sexual arousal for men and women. The increased blood flow to the genitals produces an erection for men and blood flow to the vagina intensifies sexual sensations for women.

It has been suggested that spicy foods (like ginger, curry, and cinnamon) are found to increase blood flow which has the potential to feel a bit like sexual arousal and could potentially have a positive impact on our sexual enjoyment. Therefore, consuming spicy foods could lead to better sex on account of the increased genital sensations.

However, the association between food and sex is more about the psychological interpretations and meanings we assign to those foods

For starters, we can never discount the power of the placebo effect. That is, if we believe something is going to have a positive impact, chances are it will. So, if you believe that eating chocolate will make you more interested in having sex, there is a higher chance that upon eating a piece of dark chocolate you will think about sex or want to engage in sexual activity. On the other hand, if you think that chocolate just tastes good and has no relationship to your sexual interest or enjoyment, likely you won’t feel any sexual urges post chocolate binge.

Another psychological element at play when associating a particular food with sex is what psychologists have termed classical conditioning. That is, if we repeatedly see chocolate fondue enjoyed during a romantic evening and that is followed by a sexual encounter, we begin to associate chocolate fondue with sex. The more often we see this connection being made in movies, TV shows, and in our real life, the more we are primed to think about sex when we see or eat fondue.

This association can even happen with less expected food items. In my Psychology 101 class our professor shared a story about a woman being turned on by the smell of onion on account of her sexual partner being a frequent eater of french onion dip! So if you want to create a romantic or sexual setting with food, consider picking your staple, pre-romance appetizer. Over time it just may become a cue that this is the night for romance.

What About Alcohol? Is It A Sex-Driver or Killer?

And then there is the spurious variable that often accompanies all of the romantic scenes I described earlier: wine (or some other alcohol variation). In other words, it may be less about the chocolate fondue, oysters, banana or cinnamon, and more about the alcohol that accompanies those meals. That’s because alcohol has been found to positively impact our interest in sex as alcohol make us feel more relaxed and laid back which can reduce our inhibitions and lead to a greater chance for sexual activity.

It’s important to be aware that there is a balancing act when it comes to how much alcohol to consume. Too much alcohol can get in the way of good sex by making us sloppy or tired. However, a glass of wine (even if it’s paired with chips and dip) may put you in the mood for sex.

The Setting Of Your Meal Is More Important Than The Food Choices

Finally there is the contextual setting of a romantic or sensual meal that goes far beyond whatever food is being consumed. Eating oysters with your grandmother at 3pm on a Sunday probably isn’t going to get you all hot and bothered. Whereas eating oysters with our romantic partner, at sunset with a glass of wine and candles just might do the trick.

Research has found that both men and women indicate that romantic settings play an important and positive role in their sexual desire. And that’s because a lot more is happening during a romantic meal than just the food on the table. A candle lit dinner takes time, effort and energy. It requires two people stepping away from their busy lives, making time for one another, and talking (hopefully without their smart phones on the table!). It could also include that glass of wine we discussed earlier. So even though a meal is part of this scenario, it’s really not the star of the show.

Consuming foods as aphrodisiacs definitely won’t hurt your sex life. In fact, depending on how they are used they just may bring some spark and enjoyment to your sexual experiences. And if you and your partner associate foods with positive romantic and sexual scenarios, chances are that eating those foods together will put sex on the brain.

But it’s also important to focus on the context of a romantic date over a shared meal. So don’t minimize the attention needed on the other components. Good conversation, undivided attention, and the effort of cooking a meal together could mean that spaghetti and meat balls or even ramen noodles could be your personal aphrodisiac.

The post Does a Romantic Candle Lit Dinner Help To Drive Better Sex? appeared first on Lifehack.


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10 Clever Kitchen Gadgets You Don't Even Know Exist

Posted from http://feeds.lifehack.org/~r/LifeHack/~3/aKPnn9G0_4Y/10-clever-kitchen-gadgets-you-dont-even-know-exist

Traditional kitchen gadgets are useful, but boring. Cooking and being in the kitchen doesn’t have to be a serious business. With a little creativity, kitchen gadgets can be fun. Even if you don’t like cooking, you’d love to have one of these (or all of these) in your kitchen.

Lifehack has handpicked 10 clever kitchen gadgets that go beyond your imagination.

1. MasterPan Non-Stick 3 Section Meal Skillet

This genius pan is designed to allow you to cook everything you need in one spot. Whether you’re trying to cook in a small dorm, or you just don’t have a lot of kitchen counter space, this pan will be your best friend. With its Riveted Steel handle featuring a silicone grip, you won’t risk burning your hand while cooking.

It even features a XYLAN PLUS double layer non-stick coating which is PFOA free. Plus it ensures your food doesn’t wind up stuck to the pan instead of in your stomach. Along with being oven-safe, this brilliant pan is dishwasher safe, too!

MasterPan Non-Stick 3 Section Meal Skillet, $33.24

2. The “Bolo” Rolling Knife

This innovative knife set comes with the Handle, Precision Steel Blade (420J2 steel), Tenderizing Blade (420J2 steel) Pastry Blade (ABS) and 2 Blade Covers.

This rolling knife has a sharp blade, it dices, cuts, slices and minces a variety of ingredients such as vegetables, spices, herbs, meats, pizza, sandwiches, desserts, fruit and so on. This tool saves you room because you have all the blades you need in one handle!

The “Bolo” Rolling Knife, $29.95

3. The Salad Cutter Bowl

With this, you can make a salad in under a minute.

It’s the perfect size for a personal salad, but it does so much more than allow for easy cutting. It also acts as a strainer and salad spinner. If you want a quick and easy way to slice veggies for your salad, you can toss them in here and cut away.

And for those of us who wind up with nicks and cuts when preparing a meal, this gadget allows for worry-free cutting. Plus it’s easy to clean and saves a ton of space.

The Salad Cutter Bowl, $9.99

4. Magisso Cake Server

Cutting and plating a slice of cake is always a mess, plus it usually requires someone touching a side of the cake with their fingers, and that’s gross. This cake server makes cake cutting clean and easy.

Once you get the cake plated, you always have the few that request a smaller piece. This utensil ensures everyone gets the exact same size and shape cut.

Perhaps best of all, it’s easy to use. Just press the cake server through your dessert, squeeze it gently for lifting the piece onto the place, release slightly once you’ve set it on the plate and your done!

Magisso Cake Server, $9.17

5. Culina Designs Small ABS Bag Sealing Device

Now you can throw out all those twist ties you’ve been hoarding! Sealabag is a compact gadget that can be used to seal a variety of kitchen staples.

Its design allows it to be used on your counter, or even mounted inside of a cupboard so no one has to know how you keep all of your breads so fresh.

Culina Designs Small ABS Bag Sealing Device, $7.95

6. Dreamfarm Savel – Flexible Food Saver for Wedges, Halves and Wedge-Outs

This flexible gadget covers cut foods, such as fruits and veggies, and keeps them fresh. You don’t have to waste any more plastic bags or try any silly hacks to keep your items fresher longer.

The silicone strap stretches to ensure the perfect fit while keeping the item secure. The base is food-safe and prevents any air exposure.

Dreamfarm Savel – Flexible Food Saver for Wedges, Halves and Wedge-Outs, $8.72

7. Dreamfarm Spadle – Silicone Sit Up Scraping Spoon That Turns Into a Serving Ladle

When used as a spoon, this spoon-ladle crossover features a flat squeegee tip to scrape pans without scratching, a deep ½ cup scooping head and useful measuring lines.

To transform it into a ladle, just twist the handle. It doesn’t even require a spoon rest; a clever bend in the handle to sit up off your counter to keep it clean.

It’s non-stick and heat resistant up to 200°C/392°F. And it’s dishwasher safe!

Dreamfarm Spadle – Silicone Sit Up Scraping Spoon That Turns Into a Serving Ladle, $19.99

8. Ankomn Savior Non-Electric Vacuum Food Storage Container Marinator

With a simple push of a button, this non-electric vacuum storage container will keep everything fresh, from cereal to dried fruits and nuts.

It doesn’t require any complicated wires or batteries, plus it’s easy to clean and BPA free. You can even store it in the fridge and toss it in the dishwasher when it needs to be cleaned.

Ankomn Savior Non-Electric Vacuum Food Storage Container Marinator, $64.99

9. KEFIRKO – Kefir Fermenter Kit

This easy kefir-making system includes a unique 20 oz concave glass jar, strainer lid, secure cover lid, citrus juicer attachment, swizzle stick, user guide and recipe booklet. You can make kefir milk or kefir water by simply adding kefir grains and liquid. The Kefiko can even be used as a sprouter!

A measuring cup for the kefir grains is integrated in the top cover, and the included juicer allows you to squeeze juice into your water kefir for extra flavor.

KEFIRKO – Kefir Fermenter Kit, $39.95

10. Stainless Steel Magnetic Knife Holder

This magnetic knife holder is an aesthetically pleasing way to store and display your knifes. It’s super simple to install and includes mounting screws and hardware.

The magnetic strip is a quality stainless steel, and all the materials are non-toxic, food safe and easy to clean.

Stainless Steel Magnetic Knife Holder, $16.97

The post 10 Clever Kitchen Gadgets You Don’t Even Know Exist appeared first on Lifehack.


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